Ok, I know I shouldn't but I DO!!! Is this a normal emotion as you lose weight?
I have been having quite a time since the 3rd fill on Monday 5/3. Not getting much at all to stay down. slimming almost daily, Mother's day dinner... HA, What a farce that was... I am so scared to death that my trip to Ocean City for Memorial day will be a total disaster (visiting friends that have no idea what I have done) on Tuesday this week I broke down and called my surgeon. He wasn't in the office, but his nurse said... "You really need to come in!" So I set the appointment for today at 3. They even "double booked" me to make sure I got there.
What is this??? I have an appointment and now it seems like a weight has been lifted... I can keep things down again... Granted it is nothing but liquids or mush before noon but after lunches of puddings and or applesauce, then I could get a Good (SMALL, but good) protein filled dinner in and it stayed. So now I'm thinking to myself... (With a little prodding and initiation from DH) "Is this all just in my head?" Is it all a psychological thing? I know that I am going to get into see the good Dr and now I feel ok? I'm not stressed that nothing is going to stay down so I eat slower and it goes down and stays just fine? I mean the only real problem I see that I have right now is, it takes a really long time to eat and I sorta feel like I have a lump in my throat all the time, So... WTF is wrong with me????? Now today comes and all day long I question myself. Do I cancel the appointment this afternoon? No... go talk to the nurses and see what they say...I get there and his personal nurse comes out to me and says "We're running really behind, so it might be a while. (I'm also thinking that they double booked me so it should be easy to back out and reschedule if I think I need to, Right?) WRONG! The nurses are wonderfully THIN women and don't know what to say... They go talk to the Dr. He WANTS to see me. UGH!
OK, maybe I DO need to get just a TINY bit out. My appointment was at 3. I'm in by 3:15 (I'm thinking, this is your idea of REALLY behind) I get weighed (down 10 lbs from 5/3, 192 :-) Officially 50 lbs gone now... WHOOHOO), BP = 112/70, checked the results from the blood work I had done... Potassium is a little low but all else is great, then the Dr comes in... and says... "What's going on? Talk to me." So I told him exactly what I had already told the nurses. then he says, "well, how much did I put in? Looks at my chart and says... WOW... only .25cc? Well, ok maybe we just need to take a TINY bit back out" I lay back on the table and he starts. we do the routine. pull some out, take a drink, put some in, take a drink... blah, blah, blah... So much for double booking! AND What about the "He's running really behind"? After all is said and done he ended up taking the .25 back out that he put in on 5/3. I'm really disappointed now and feel stupid. So I told him! then he asks. Do you attend the support group... yes, Ok, you are not stupid, DON'T feel that way... Sorry Doc but I do. Then he starts telling me AGAIN, protein first, cut your meds. Only a Cup or less of food at each meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know... But why is it that I can't keep that .25 in here. It's the 2nd time that I've had to have it back out now. Then he says... It's all a bit of a game till we get to the right amount for you. Take the next 3 weeks and see how you do at the beach, how much more you lose... You are probably just very close to or at your sweet spot, Come back on 6/7 and we'll try again! Then he smiles, repeats to me not to feel stupid, shakes my hand and says, "your gonna be fine!". I tell him thank you and I leave.
I Really don't get it... I thought for sure I was turning a corner and that I was going to be able to do it this time. Now tonight I ate a small piece of baked fish and a 4 oz. applesauce cup. All went down with out a problem. I feel very full, but I still have the "lump in my throat" feeling... GOOD GAWD!
I honestly feel like such a failure tonight!
Piccalilli
1 year ago
5 comments:
Ah lamb dont feel so bad. I think you are doing great. 50lb lost! That's fantastic. If you have the 25cc out and still lose then thats a good thing isnt it? It's really hard knowing what this should feel like but hopefully everyone will give you good advice. I know its not supposed to feel good to eat but you should be able to eat something! I think your Dr sounds like a really nice person and you did the right thing talking to him. Hope things get better and you start to feel in control, much love Fiona x
There's no need to feel bad. One thing I've realised is that this is not a cookie-cutter experience and we are all different. So don't expect to respond the same way as another person. When you're anxious or stressed you can definately experience some swelling which can make it harder to eat and PBing also causes swelling.
Eating shouldn't be that hard or unpleasant...if it is then you must be too tight. Being too tight can cause damage to your oesophagus which you really need to avoid, so you did right to get the unfill. Slow and steady wins the race. You're taking good care of yourself and that's nothing to feel ashamed of. Good for you for taking action.
You're doing absolutely brilliantly with your weight loss, you should be proud. xx
Dont feel bad!!! You should be able to eat and not slime every time. See how thsi goes and in a few weeks if you are ready he can put a little bit back in. Your progress is excellent you are doing a great job!!
You're doing great...don't get down on yourself.
Give it some time and make a decision in a few weeks.
Hi there,
Thanks for the lovely comment on my blog. Just started following you and you're doing really well. Congrats! Don't be hard on yourself, it's a bit of trial and error getting to that sweet spot. Give it a bit of time, hope the "lump in the throat feeling" goes away soon.
Take care.
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