A few vacation notes...

Hi everyone... just a quick update while my friends are out taking kids to an outing... Yesterday and today have been absolutley amazing. When we got here yesterday my friend who hasn't seen me, other than pictures, in almost 2 full years, called me "SKINNY" imagine that... 192 lbs, and someone calls me skinny??? (WTF is wrong with that picture? eh!)  I just smiled at her and said "No, not skinny yet but going to be someday!" Remember that she has no clue that I have had lapband surgery. AND Add to the fact, that I don't think she has ever had a weight problem, or weighed over 145 in her entire life! Even at her most pregnant stage I think she MAY have weighed 140??? She makes me sick to think that at age 45 she can weigh 110 and tell me that she has put on weight! UGH!

DH and I had a discussion last night before going to bed and I MAY tell her about my journey before the weekend is over. Not sure yet. I love her and don't like that I am keeping this a secret from her. If she and I get a private girls moment tomorrow on the beach, I might, she may very well support me more than I think she might. We've supported each other in EVERYTHING we have ever done since college when we met... I just don't think I am totally ready to divulge my secret and find out yet. I almost did this morning but went and took a shower instead. Right now, this weekend, is primarily about her son graduating from high school on June 5 and then leaving for the Army on June 16th. It will be a very definite change in this household. Then the other son, graduates next year and doesn't have a clue what he wants to do after that. DH said to me in our conversation last night... "You 2 are as close as 2 women can get, when the time is right you will talk. If you're nit ready then don't say anything. Yoiu will know when the time is right for you to tell her." And ya know he is right... I want to tell her but am not really ready to answer all the questions I KNOW she will have. I will know when I am, and then I will tell her.

I need to focus on NOT gaining any weight while here... and the way all of THEM like to eat out, I may have a harder time than I expect to if I don't tell my story. Any advice anyone can give, would be so greatly appreciated!!! Ocean + Beach + Seafood (my favorite) + LOT'S of "All you can eat BUFFETS"... = a huge potential sabotage for my eating small meals... I will survive this and then I will prove, to myself mainly, that I can do it!  More later...

Have a super happy Memorial Day (my driving home day) if I don't get on here again before then...

Thanks

Well here I am, just so amazed in the support of you women! The support and compliments are just what I needed. I love the "stunning" comments and even tho' most of that "stunning goddess" in that picture was only stunning because of the stage make-up ( I swear I never wear that much make-up on a normal day). However, I MUST confess I loved hearing that I looked amazing... I am kinda cute 50 pounds lighter, now aren't I? I really need to say thank you to Eileen too! She has made me what I am today! With her help, I have become able to control my eating, and regain control of my health before it killed me like it did my mom! Bandlandia is trying at times but, without Eileen and her sister, Filene (my port) I would not be where I am today.

I also, want to thank you for your support on the 5K walk I did for my local "Race for the Cure". I ended up raising $280, finishing the race in 1 hour and 4 minutes and then I won a 3 month membership to a gym! This was a HUGE success for me. And the gym membership will get used 100% since my current membership expires at the end of this month.

I must tell you about my experiences today... I got up this morning feeling Eileen was very "tight", and knowing that I had an appointment to get my nails done and then I was participating in a "CJ Banks" in store fashion show, had me a little worried. I've never really woke up feeling tighter than any other time of the day but today was just different. I tried to eat something for breakfast, and could not get anything except my decaf coffee and vitamins down. I was praying this wasn't going to be a slime filled day.

I love CJ Banks and Lane Bryant. However, I haven't been shopping in either one in at least 6 months. I knew I was getting my band and didn't want to spend that kind of money on items that I wouldn't be wearing very long. When I stopped going there I was wearing a 22/24 top and 18 pants. Those old clothes of mine are seriously becoming way to big all to quickly now. I will soon, be getting them packed up and shipped off to the Salvation Army or Good Will store. I have been very happily pulling out the old smaller sizes, ya know the 18/20's and the 14/16's, the ones you save for that "when I lose weight" time, and I am very happy getting back into them and finding that they are even getting big on me. Well Today I had this fashion show gig that I was supposed to model in and I did. I went in earlier this week and picked out 2 outfits in my size and a few other things that I really liked. After the show the models were given a 30% discount on any purchases EVEN on the things that were $9.99 or 50% off already. I brought home a pair of size14 purple jean Capris, that are a good fit on me now, A size 14 jean scooter, that is loose but will shrink when I wash and dry it and I'll be able to wear them for a while because the weight in my tummy/hips isn't coming off like it did on my shoulders and chest. Now, I used to wear the 2X in tops there... I bought the smallest size they have! They run X, 1X, 2X, 3X. I got 5 summer shirts in size X. I'm so excited!  I tried on several other scooters and shorts in size 14 but I didn't even have to unbutton or unzip them to pull them on so I didn't even want to buy them. I'll just keep digging into my old skinny clothes for the rest of my summer outfitting. Next time I am a model in a "store fashion show" it will undoubtedly be for Christopher & Banks instead of the "BIG" sister store CJ Banks. :-)

Came home Feeling great about my life and made myself a HUGE salad, with lettuce, red & yellow peppers, tomatoes, and some salmon on top with low fat reduced calorie mayo and vinegar as the dressing... Yummy! it went down without a problem and I think I am good. Eileen was just being grumpy this morning. 

OK, I'm rambling now... I hope to post again before I leave this week, to head to Maryland. Ocean City is the place DH and I honeymooned almost 7 years ago. We plan on visiting OC, while we visit friends for the Memorial Day holiday... I haven't seen her in a year and 1/2 and she has NO IDEA I have had this surgery. It's a 6 hour drive for me one way, but our friends are worth every minute. I cannot wait to see the looks on their faces when they see me... Uh, and in a bathing suit no less! Also, I'm thinking that I will have to be very mindful of what I will be eating while there. I love seafood and haven't had anything except tuna, salmon or other fish since surgery January 12th. I'm wondering how shrimp scallops, lobster or crab will go down???

As Promised

I promised an updated "formal" contest photo back when I posted the results of our weekend. Well as promised we received the formal picture in the mail this week and here we are...  I love these girls so much! We have such a great time together with minimal disagreements.And as most of us know that is really hard for alot of women to do!!!

Update

Hi folks, just a short update of my status today! I am eating again! I am working out too so I guess having the .25 out of the band on Thursday was not as bad as I feel it is. I do still feel crappy about it but maybe on 6/7 when I go back and have that fill again, he can put the .25 in and I will be able to KEEP it in because I have lost enough weight to adjust better to having the added restriction.:-)

This weekend is certainly not going to feel like a weekend to me and I really am glad that I have a few minutes now to write cuz I won't have any more till after tomorrow night.Today started at 6 am... Yes 6 am on a day that I should have been able to sleep in... Oh wait I get up at 5 normally so I DID SLEEP IN...HA! had to be at the driver license photo center by 8:30 when they opened so I could get my photo updated and a new lice for the next 4 years. Done... This place is 45 minutes south of my house... So I Fly (well I kept all 4 wheels on the road, but barely) home, change my clothes into one of my chorus's "sing out" outfits. Drive to a "local" Park that is having a big celebration for the closing of the "Sr.Games" and the opening of their new miniature golf course. This place is 30 minutes NORTH of my house. Then I need to pack my clothes to sing with the other chorus too. Chorus #1 sings at 1, Chorus #2 sings at 2. then I have practice for a duet that I am doing in a concert on June 5th. All that is done for today! Oh and I had to eat the right stuff during all this too.

Now I am home and trying to relax and get some needed sleep as I am walking the 5K Race for a Cure in our area tomorrow! I will be walking in honor of 10 of my family and friends that have or are surviving and in Memory of 2 that have lost the fight. If you care to make a donation and want me to add a name to my list that I will have pinned on my back you can make a comment and give me the name you want me to add and to make a donation I think you can follow my link below. If it doesn't work Please cut and paste it into your browser. And Thank you, So Very Much,  if you do!!! And also, Please don't put anything about being a BAND BUDDY! There are only 7 people in my life that know I have done this and I want to keep it that way!!! Thanks!!!

http://race.twintierskomen.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1011546&pg=personal&fr_id=1030

I feel like a failure tonight

Ok, I know I shouldn't but I DO!!! Is this a normal emotion as you lose weight?

I have been having quite a time since the 3rd fill on Monday 5/3. Not getting much at all to stay down. slimming almost daily, Mother's day dinner... HA, What a farce that was... I am so scared to death that my trip to Ocean City for Memorial day will be a total disaster (visiting friends that have no idea what I have done) on Tuesday this week I broke down and called my surgeon. He wasn't in the office, but his nurse said... "You really need to come in!" So I set the appointment for today at 3. They even "double booked" me to make sure I got there.

What is this??? I have an appointment and now it seems like a weight has been lifted... I can keep things down again... Granted it is nothing but liquids or mush before noon but after lunches of puddings and or applesauce, then I could get a Good (SMALL, but good) protein filled dinner in and it stayed. So now I'm thinking to myself... (With a little prodding and initiation from DH) "Is this all just in my head?" Is it all a psychological thing? I know that I am going to get into see the good Dr and now I feel ok? I'm not stressed that nothing is going to stay down so I eat slower and it goes down and stays just fine? I mean the only real problem I see that I have right now is, it takes a really long time to eat and I sorta feel like I have a lump in my throat all the time, So... WTF is wrong with me????? Now today comes and all day long I question myself. Do I cancel the appointment this afternoon? No... go talk to the nurses and see what they say...I get there and his personal nurse comes out to me and says "We're running really behind, so it might be a while. (I'm also thinking that they double booked me so it should be easy to back out and reschedule if I think I need to, Right?) WRONG! The nurses are wonderfully THIN women and don't know what to say... They go talk to the Dr. He WANTS to see me.  UGH!

OK, maybe I DO need to get just a TINY bit out.  My appointment was at 3. I'm in by 3:15 (I'm thinking, this is your idea of REALLY behind) I get weighed (down 10 lbs from 5/3, 192 :-) Officially 50 lbs gone now... WHOOHOO), BP = 112/70, checked the results from the blood work I had done... Potassium is a little low but all else is great, then the Dr comes in... and says... "What's going on? Talk to me." So I told him exactly what I had already told the nurses. then he says, "well, how much did I put in? Looks at my chart and says... WOW... only .25cc? Well, ok maybe we just need to take a TINY bit back out" I lay back on the table and he starts. we do the routine. pull some out, take a drink, put some in, take a drink... blah, blah, blah... So much for double booking! AND What about the "He's running really behind"? After all is said and done he ended up taking the .25 back out that he put in on 5/3. I'm really disappointed now and feel stupid. So I told him! then he asks. Do you attend the support group... yes, Ok, you are not stupid, DON'T feel that way... Sorry Doc but I do. Then he starts telling me AGAIN, protein first, cut your meds. Only a Cup or less of food at each meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know... But why is it that I can't keep that .25 in here. It's the 2nd time that I've had to have it back out now. Then he says... It's all a bit of a game till we get to the right amount for you. Take the next 3 weeks and see how you do at the beach, how much more you lose... You are probably just very close to or at your sweet spot, Come back on 6/7 and we'll try again! Then he smiles, repeats to me not to feel stupid, shakes my hand and says, "your gonna be fine!". I tell him thank you and I leave.

I Really don't get it... I thought for sure I was turning a corner and that I was going to be able to do it this time. Now tonight I ate a small piece of baked fish and a 4 oz. applesauce cup. All went down with out a problem. I feel very full, but I still have the "lump in my throat" feeling... GOOD GAWD!

I honestly feel like such a failure tonight!

Happy Mother's Day!

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord pick a bunch for me, place them in my mother's arm's and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I Love her when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while. Because remembering her is easy, I do it everyday, There's an ache within my heart that never goes away.. 

My Mom... 6/18/1932 - 10/23/2005

Happy Mother's Day Mom.. I love and miss you. Till I see you again......

I don't think it is supposed to be like this!

I just wanted to ask... you fellow bandsters that have had more than 3 or 4 fills or are at your sweet spot... How do you know? and did you have trouble every time you got a fill? Did you go thru the liquids, mush, soft foods every time you got a fill?

I ask because as I posted on Monday I got my 3rd fill of .25 cc's. Dr G said I may be close to my sweet spot but wasn't sure. I only have 3.25 in a 10 - 12 cc band. BUT, I was on liquid Monday evening and all day yesterday, today a was supposed to ease into mush. I actually had five small (nickle-quarter size) pieces of chicken breast that my DH fixed for dinner last night. This morning I got my vitamins and other meds down fine and then went to work. On my way to work I started feeling like I had a vitamin stuck or at the very least just sitting in my pouch. Then, at work, they had decided to have a birthday celebration for me since I was off on my Birthday... with BAGELS and donuts... What used to be my favorite breakfast food. Give me a nice bagel sandwich with egg, cheese and lots of bacon and I USED to be golden!

Since I was banded on 1/12/2010, I have NOT had much in the bread category. I've had a few soft tacos, a piece of crispy toast now and then, a 1/2 a flat bread sandwich from subway, and I have even had 1/2 a bagel that was really toasted BUT... NEVER this close to a fill. So I'm thinking this morning, I know the boss knows about the surgery but no one else. I can decline and look like an ungrateful boob. naw, can't do that. I can share a bagel with someone. toast it really good and then just eat it really really slow. All the talking in the world did not prepare me for this! I tried. I got about 1/4 of 1/2 of the bagel in, and even tho it was as toasted an crispy as a pretzel stick. I just laid there in my pouch and didn't go anywhere until I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. Up and to the bathroom I go. Yeah, you guessed it. I slimed it all back up! And I couldn't even try to eat any more. Why is it that once you have a PB there are always at least 3 or 4 more to come! and it doesn't matter what it is that you try to drink just to keep yourself hydrated and nourished seems to come back up? I am so afraid that I am going to slime one to many times and slip my band.

This evening when I got home I tried to eat some mashed potatoes, nope... came back up. Now, I am carefully sipping really hot decaffeinated white tea. Hoping and praying that this lump in my throat goes away... I'm hungry, my stomach is growling... I Need HELP!!! I have a family Mother's Day Chicken Bar-B-Q on Sunday and I can't NOT eat there. I really don't want to make the excuse that I am sick and not go either. I need some advice, did you go thru this? Who else thinks I might be at my sweet spot? I know in my heart that this is not good... I'm dropping a pound (or 2) a day and I know that is just NOT right! At this rate, I'll be at goal in record time.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes it is my birthday... I am 47 today, so they tell me! :-)I do not feel it. But then they also tell me that age is just a number! I took today off work to relax and do what I wanted to do...

So far, none of what I have done has been for ME... I should have been able to sleep in today right? NOT. Was up and at 'em at 6:30 (ok so that IS sleeping in for me since I normally get up at 5 am) But I had to run our quartet video and award over to my brothers house so he could see them before I take it to chorus rehearsal tonight, and pass them off to the other quartet members to show their families. Then I came home and realized I needed to renew my driver's license. Yeah, since today is the day, it expires tomorrow and then I am SOL if I don't have it. With my luck I would get pulled over. Then I took DH to pick his car up from the garage. Then... well, then I got to come home and relax a little bit.

Now I am writing this post and next I will go get blood drawn from the Dr order that I have to check my vitamin levels. This was given to me yesterday when I got my 3rd fill. I did get .25 cc's added to Eileen at 4:30 pm yesterday, and unfortunately,  I have been unable to eat anything solid since. Dr G. suggests liquids for 24 hours after a fill then you move in to mush again for 24 hours and then back to regular food. I just don't remember it feeling this way after the first fill. He did tell me that he believes that I am very close to my sweet spot because I could not take any more than the .25 cc. He said he felt that I was very close because of my inability to drink ANYTHING without difficulty, if he put more than that in. So I said stay at the .25 for now and I will go slowly with my transition into foods again! So then my dad calls me this morning and says "Happy birthday sweetheart, let's go to lunch... where do you want to go for your birthday?" UGH! I laugh, say thank-you so much but since I am really trying to lose weight... what I really would appreciate so much more is either a payment on my gym membership, OR help my brother build my 4 flowerbeds (2 in front and 2 on either side) around my house that I want and he (brother) said he would do for my birthday. And believe it or not he said OK! I am so happy. As he has NO CLUE that I have adopted Eileen, this is the best thing I could have received from him! Whew, didn't have to lie and tell him I was sick so he wouldn't make me go out to eat!

Anyway I thought I would share another photo or two... here is a candid shot of my quartet after the competition this last weekend (the formal one will come to us in the mail in a couple weeks) and shots of the award and pins we won. I have no idea what the significance of the swan on the Cygnet Award is. But I plan on asking the donator at some point. I didn't tell you a funny weight loss story of Contest day... We have the special "sparkly" outfits that he wear on stage for all of the 7 minutes to sing 2 songs! Well, my top is a size 22/24. I have lost 40 pounds since the last time I wore that top at last years contest. and didn't even think about alterations. I guess I should have, because I put it on and well... Houston, we Have a PROBLEM! It was way, way to big on me! I had to take the strings on the inside that you "hang" it with and tie them to my bra straps in order to hold the under piece (it's a tank with jacket 2 piece set) in place not allowing it to fall down in the front exposing my bra, the girls and almost the top of my stomach! wouldn't that have been a site to see?! HA HA HA

Have a great day everyone...I think I am going to watch the Young and the Restless, and then maybe go get this blood drawn, then come home. As soon as I can I really will do what I want to do on my birthday! :-)

Contest Results

Hi everyone... I am so sorry I didn't post this sooner but my weekend was just so amazingly busy that I have hardly had time to think about the blog... Anyway here are my contest results that I am sure you are all waiting for with baited breath!

My quartet was amazing... We placed 13th and received the "Cygnet Award" which is the Most Improved from the last contest. We increased our score by 34 points which is ALOT! Another quartet in my chorus placed 2nd and qualified to go on to international contest in November. AND our Chorus... Placed 4th, qualified for international in November AND Won the "Rising Star" Award, which means we improved our presentation score more than any other chorus! So needless to say everyone in my chorus is flying high this week.

I had a very exciting and fun filled weekend and even lost a pound doing it! Now I am off to get my 3rd Fill this afternoon. I hope to come home this afternoon with good results from that appointment... I may report more later, but I have a private meeting with a local new bandster, she was banded on 4/14 and is full of questions, and then our Support group meeting is tonight.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I plan on having another very happy celebration. I took the day off just to have a day to do what ever the heck I wanted to do!!!